The Gaffer on Manx Radio


Grievanagh, yessir, the wonders tha’s in.
Not lek the days when I was a stugga before,
When if ye wanted to tell
Anyone afar off anythin’
Ye had to have a v’ice lek a bell
To carry through the air so that ye could be heard,
Tha’s for sure.
Not now though, b’y. Aw, bless me sowl,
Ye’ve got to be so keerful of avary word
For ye navar know the minute
Thou will be right in it
Up to thee jowl,
With some falla stickin’ a mikerofun
Lek a black shinin’ onion
Right in ye vary face,
An’ axin’ ye a personal question in a public place.

Well, anyway at all, at all,
Somethin’ lek that happened to me las’ week
Only it was a studio
With a winda lookin’ out over the bay –
An’ mighty nice, too, on a sunny day.
I could ha’ sat an’ watched the show
For long enough, ye know.
But then I got this call
For “Sit here, if you please”
Sez the aalin Louise.
So down I sits with her beside
An’ me a-think’ all a jumble inside,
An’ wonderin’ if I durst whisper like
“Can ye hear me, folks” right in the mike;
For theer it was all innocent,
Ready an’ ‘ager to catch me softes’ accent.
So theer I was, all soie to prepare
A tape for them to put out on the air.

Aw, man alive, such loads of things
I seen a-winkin’ an’ hummin’,
An knobs an’ buttons, an’ a lil red light,
With me grippin’ me papers an’ sittin’ tight,
Wonderin’ what in the world was comen’
An’ me h’art jumpin’ lek a puppet on strings.

An’ then she put the record on
An’ out the music come, thou know the bit!
Then turned it down till it was nearly gone,
An’ sez her piece
As cool as ye please;
Then down her finger comes at me,
Which was th sign, k’ye see,
For to begin, an’ theer I was all set
An’ with me han’s beginnin’ to sweat
I sez “Good mornin’”, an’ I was begun.

Wel yessir, I was started fine
An’ didn’ make
A single mistake –
Well, not at fus’,
Tho’ I was ready to bus’,
Thryin’ to check a sneeze
From goin’ out over Louise,
An’ wonderin’ what would happen if I were to squeeze
Her arm while I was sp’akin’,
An’ her give a shout
An’ ax me what I was about –
That would give the list’ners a shakin’
An’ a-wonderin’, theer’s lil doubt.

But I done no such thing.
I kep’ on with me scrip’
Till the time came to stop
An’ I buttoned me lip.
An’ I thought “Now I could sing
An’ crack a few jokes (lek they do!)”
For we’d finished the tape.
But I just gathered me papers,
I’d finished me capers,
Tho’ I thought of so many more things to say,
But I’d had me day
So I made me escape.
But if avar they’re wantin’ a sp’aker again
They can call on me, I’m sayin’ it plain,
Les’ any should think I’m afraid to go
Another time on Manx Radio.