(From “As Good as Gold”)

When I add two and two I know quite well, I do,

The answer should be something rather more;

And if I really think and make the numbers link

I get the answer pat, it comes to four  !

But bills and bills and bills are among the worst of ills,

For they consist of shillings, pounds and pence,

And I was never able to assimilate that table,

For never did it seem to make much sense.


Oh, bills,bills, bills, bills,

They swamp and choke me, do bills.

They rise in a hummock,

They upset my stomach,

I’m bilious with so many bills !


When I add three and three I know what that will be,

The answer never gets me in a fix;

For when I make the count and up the numbers mount,

I get the answer pat, it comes to six !

But I cannot rejoice in statement or invoice,

For  £ s. d. has simply got me beat.

I really think at school they should teach the simple rule

To turn an unpaid bill to a receipt.


Weekly Times     7.6.63