Collegia – Ode 73: Surface Tension


Tis said that old Father Pressure Osmotic
Had certain deficiencies in his sclerotic;
The most painful of which was a permeable tumour
That gave him some aqueous and vitreous humour;
Whereat he oft shouted at old Mother Minegar
And called her at times “a grumpy old skinny car”.
She replied with some heat and great coagulation
That he was phenol of bad orientation.

Uncle Septimolecular
Took an interest in all matters secular;
A sly worldly look and the twist of a parasol
Was all he desired, for his was a narrow soul.

Auntie Heterogeneous
Smacked her young nephew Pheneas
For following his uncle’s patternings
In smiling at pretty but vacant young slatterings.

And old Grandmother Polymerisation
Bewailed the ideas of the young generation,
Who took no delight in the Zsigmondy microns,
As did the sane-thinking well-balanced old sly crones.

While Grandfather Quivalent Conductivity
Thought nothing of giving the young skivvy tea,
Or even of kissing her pretty red crucible,
Tempting and soft and quite unrefusable;
Not knowing it harboured a tongue so colloidal
That wasps on its sharp edge would never dare dawdle.

Oft Pheneas would rate his young sister Matic
And she would reply he was adiabatic,
Whereat he would swell up with great surface tensions
And be in some danger of bursting suspensions.

On the scene would come bustling the Nurse Polymer
To put a quick end to the phenomena,
And put them to bed without electrolyte,
So Pheneas oft called her the old catalyte.

The youngest of all was the babe Diazonium
Who swore like anode with the blandest ammonium,
And kept a quick fire with all concentration
When struggling into her minute combination.

And thus we will leave this homologous series
Lest after our sanity there should be queries.

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